In memoriam
[This is the speech I gave at Kristie’s memorial.]
I met Kristie through OKCupid on March 29th. She messaged me and said that I had the same first name and first initial of last name as the man she was divorcing, and how disturbing that was.
Despite that, we kept writing to each other. We had too many of the same interests not to write. She loved books and despised Ayn Rand. She liked philosophy but thought that most philosophers were not worth the effort. We both had far too much we wanted to read, and far too many books we had already and not enough time to read them all, and no good way to get rid of the books that we had already read.
We wrote to each other almost every night. We talked about the best way to dispose of books. She liked the idea of bookcrossing, but was horrified by the idea of leaving books exposed to the elements, and I thought my idea of leaving them at the library was too pedestrian.
I met her once on the weekend on May 27th, when she was coming in to San Francisco for a haircut. Whereupon we discovered that we had the same hairdresser. We met up, had a double jointed contest. I made jokes about her pugs and she made jokes about my man purse. We went back to my place, she went through my library with a fine tooth comb, we exchanged books, and I gave her some comic books. And then I walked back to 4th street with her, gave her a hug, and let her go shopping for girlie things.
After we met, she sent me an email telling me about the rest of her day, ending it with “So there you have me. Wierd, inconsiderate, and kind of annoying.” And I knew I’d found a kindred soul.
And then work got crazy. People quit, and the deadline came up close. I started working weekends. Kristie had work explode on her as well. And then I finally had a weekend free and was trying to figure out why Kristie hadn’t returned my e-mails. And so I went to her livejournal. And she was dead, three weeks after we first met.
I wondered why I was crying.
I thought that part of it was because it’s a horrible thing to die, in the prime of your life. With no chance to say goodbye and no chance to find out all that you are, and all that you could be. But that wasn’t it.
I only met Kristie once. I wondered how I could miss someone so badly that I had barely met. But Kristie was special. She was so real and so important to me. She cared about TRUTH. She cared about JUSTICE. And when I finally believed that she was dead, I have to confess that one of my thoughts was that there are so many people that the world can spare.
I miss her. Kristie was a friend. A new friend and a real friend. She was someone I could have liked for many years. She was someone I could have shared things with for many years. She was someone I wanted to know better, and I never will now, and that sucks.
But I’m glad that I met her. I’m glad that I got to share something with her. I’m glad that I knew her. And I’m glad to have a little voice in the back of my head that says “Kristie would have liked this.” So thank you.